College "Expectations"

Since I could imagine, I have always had a love for the one and only New York City. I remember when I was about a pre pre-teen, I had this incredible dream of becoming the next biggest fashion designer and the next biggest super model of all time! From my fashion sketchbook to my online search for NYC apartments I knew I was well on my way and that I would be somebody. Somebody who follows their dreams while challenging the many expectations within society. Of course, as I grew older many of those dreams and aspirations began to evolve and transform, as I mature and grew older my thoughts and desires did the same. I was about thirteen to fourteen years old when I really began questioning the curves that hugged my body and the hair that crowned my head. At this time, It became much more apparent to me as to what the main controversies, in regards to beauty, that were present in society. {And very much still are!} Not to mention that these controversies have been present for decades! Anyways after enduring the rut of my self perception, I began to embrace and comprehend the importance of women empowerment. 

Now here's a little secret, as I stroll through the campus and city I call home, I develop these insecurities. Insecurities that declare I am not able. Insecurities that declare I am not strong. Insecurities that blind me from my inner to outer beauties. Insecurities that declare I will fail. And insecurities that declare I will fall. People have this misconception, I have this misconception, that I NEED to know exactly who I am! People have this misconception that you NEED to go into college knowing exactly who you are! In fact that was me, still is me. Ever since I stepped foot onto campus, Communications major declared, I have had this notion that I NEED to know exactly where I will be in the next four to five years. I have had this notion that I NEED to know exactly how, where, and when I want to utilize my Bachelor's and or Master's degree... But as I begin to open my eyes, I begin to realize that those notions I have are not relevant to NOW. These notions I have are not detrimental or essential- at least not during Freshman year of college or sooner, nor should they be! I may feel lost and like I have been stuck in an eternal limbo, but I know I have a purpose in life and aspirations that I will achieve. Most importantly I have learned that one must fall in order to rise, but if you aspire to rise, rise high for the sky. Like I always try to remind myself, If I can go into PHYSICS, with tears and fear, not knowing a darn thing, and then passing it with flying colors, then taking four years or more to figure out my life and passions is not so bad... Hahaha! Seriously, If you were more than accomplished and successful throughout your high school career hold onto that confidence, faith and strength! But, do not also let that defeat your purpose and or success in life. Take me for instance, I was more than successful and accomplished throughout my high school career and still am in college. The only difference is I am more than afraid that those accomplishments will fade away slowly and slowly as time goes on- as if they meant nothing. In other words, I will achieve absolutely nothing in life! {Oh my I hope I am making sense...} I guess what I am trying to say is to not allow anyone to belittle you for not knowing exactly who you are as college begins. I may not know that I want to be a Neurosurgeon at Mass General Hospital by the time I am thirty, god bless those who do, but I do know where my passions and aspirations await. I do know that I want a strong career first. I know that I want to be the first woman to establish something! I know that I want to be happy. I know that I will rise when I fall. Therefore, I leave all of you mysterious and unknown readers with this: 

You may shoot me with your words,

You may cut me with your eyes,

You may kill me with your hatefulness,

But still, like air, I'll rise (Maya Angelou). 

You, my friend, will rise. 




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